A Good Old-Fashioned Demigod Food Fight
by WriterlyInqueling
Summary: I believe the title says it all folks. *spoiler alert* For the last Hero of Olympus book. Contains a haiku song (arguably), a pie catapult (I love those), and other random hilarious products of my brain.


**A/N: *spoiler alert!* If you haven't read the last book of Heroes of Olympus, go away, don't read this, find something better to do with your time. No seriously, it's a major spoiler. If you continue, I am not liable for any mindblowing, ruining, or anything along that line. It's your fault. Don't complain to me.**

 **With that out of the way... I was at a party and we were talking about Percy Jackson and I thought, "Oh my gods, what would a demigod food fight be like?" Then I cackled maniacally and this little baby was born. Woah, wait. Does that mean that all books are Athena's children since they're brain babies?! O.o Anywho, that was kinda random, but so it this story!**

 **Enjoy!**

Mr. D raised a glass, "To Leo. Thank goodness he isn't really dead." Though Mr. D didn't sound that excited.

A roar of cheer went through the demigods, "To Leo!"

Leo stood up on the Hephaestus table and took a bow, "Thank you, thank you."

Piper twisted her fork, "I can't believe he let us think he was dead."

Jason scooted away just a tiny bit from her, "Hey, I'm sure he had good reasons."

Piper jabbed her fork at Calypso, "Yeah, a girl."

Leo leaned over and kissed Calypso who blushed.

Percy noticed Piper grab a handful of mashed potatoes, "Umm... you _really_ don't want to do that."

She tossed it at Leo, "That's for letting us think you were dead!"

The potatoes landed right on Leo's head.

Percy's head sank into his hands.

Everything grew quiet.

In the end, no one knew who yelled it. Annabeth had a feeling that it was someone from the Hermes cabin, but it could've easily been a child of Ares.

Heck, Nico could've yelled it and it wouldn't have changed anything.

Two words made the pavilion fall into World War III, "Food fight!"

And all Hades broke loose.

Percy barely ducked a roasted duck, "Look at what you started!"

He didn't duck the mashed potatoes.

"How is this _my_ fault?!" Piper put her hands on her hips, "If it's anybody's it's Leo's."

Percy wiped the potatoes off of his face. He raised a hand and Piper's glass exploded. One of the Aphrodite girls fainted when the liquid touched her dress.

Piper glared at them, "It's only water. Woman up."

"You have a cup that can give you any drink you want, and you pick water," Percy smirked.

He raised his hand again and several more glasses burst, "How many of you people would pick water over blue cola?!"

Annabeth's cup burst.

Percy froze.

Annabeth threw her fork on the ground, "That's it. For Athena!" Percy suddenly found himself facing a whole table of strategists.

"Tyson! I need help!" Percy was being bombarded and there was no way to dodge someone who could predict your every move.

"Peanut butter!" Tyson waved his spoon above his head, catapulting peanut butter everywhere.

"No! Stop! Tyson!" Percy held his hands up above his head.

One of the Athena kids started swelling up. Annabeth looked furious, "There are kids with peanut allergies here! You can't be flinging that around!"

Tyson's eye got huge, he started whimpering, "Will he be all right?"

Mr. D stood up, "Please! No throwing anything that could cause an anaphylactic attack. Thank you." He went back to his meal, oblivious to the chaos.

Calypso ducked, a cupcake flying above her head, "Is it always like this?"

Leo grinned, "I wish!"

He lit his hand roasting the biscuit in it until it was as hard as a crisp, then launched it in a random direction.

Which was, unfortunately, Jason's head.

Jason yelled, clutching his head where the hardened biscuit had struck, "Can't I go anywhere without getting one stupid head injury?!"

Calypso giggled, "Now the only thing missing is fighting music."

Apparently, one of Apollo's kids heard her and strummed his lyre, "A haiku song plays" Another strum, "food flies across Camp Half-Blood/" Strum. "I play my lyre." Another strum was interrupted, "Hey, that last one was only four syllables!"

The musician shook his head, "It was five! 'Lyre' is two syllables. Ly-re like LI-AR."

"Who're you calling a liar?!"

A toothpick arrow flew across the table and the Apollo table erupted in civil war.

"One syllable!"

"Two!"

"One!"

Toothpicks flew everywhere. When they ran out of toothpicks, they started shooting pretzel sticks, carrots, and any other pointy food they could find.

A pita chip still dripping with hummus flew across the table and into Rachel's cup.

Rachel turned, her hand still armed with french fries. She glared at them. Then took the french fries and solemnly dipped them in ketchup.

Soon the whole Apollo table looked like a bloody mess.

As soon as she hit the last Apollo kid with a ketchuped fry she nodded smugly, "You're lucky that that wasn't my blue hairbrush."

Meanwhile, the Hecate table had enchanted their tableware and the forks were busy flinging meatballs at the Hephaestus table which had managed to build a catapult out of the resources around them.

"Arm another pie!" Leo lifted his fork above his head like it was a pitchfork.

"Be our guest!" A Hecate kid yelled as the candle-holder danced around the table with a teapot.

Buford the wonder table was on the war path, kicking an inanimate table and yelling, "Why are you ignoring me? I just asked you a question! Stop ignoring me!"

Nico rolled his eyes and grabbed his plate about to leave the area when a handful of pomegranate seeds hit him in the back of the head.

It was like Hades himself had suddenly walked into the room. Silence fell everywhere.

Nico turned around slowly, his hand to his head and glared at the room.

Hazel was smirking, the pomegranate still in her hand.

Nico stepped into the shadows and Hazel found herself with a plateful of spaghetti in her hair. Nico laughed from behind her and the food fight started again with Nico running in and out of the shadows, avoiding food and causing general mayhem.

"What in Zeus's name is going on here?" Thalia and the Hunters had finally arrived only to see the pavilion covered in every food imaginable and demigods flinging more left and right.

Annabeth grinned, "Food fight!" Then tossed a plateful of cake into the empty air which Percy ran straight into while pelting blue jellybeans at unsuspecting passersby.

Percy turned around trying to figure out where the cake had come from, eventually looking up at the sky.

"Hey, Seaweed Brain!" Percy turned only to have another plateful of cake shoved into his face.

Thalia tried not to smile, but failed. She rallied her Hunters, "For Artemis!"

And another army plunged into the food fight.

The Harpies were freaking out, flying everywhere trying to scrub everything clean and yelling about how everyone was going to get kitchen duties for the next century or two.

Mr. D just sighed and continued his game of pinochle ignoring everything behind him.

"This is the best coming home party I've ever had!" Leo grinned.

Calypso armed the catapult with some stew then launched it at the Ares table, "No kidding!"

Percy licked the cake off his cheek, "Is anyone supposed to win this fight?"

Annabeth shrugged, "If anyone does, it's going to be the Athena table, we are the best strategists after all." She tossed a pie seeming at nothing only for Nico to suddenly appear out of the shadows right in it's path.

Leo heard her and patted his catapult lovingly, "Yeah, well we have a pie catapult!"

"We're the best warriors!" Ares' table yelled as they fought back a wave of enchanted forks from the Hecate table.

Suddenly everybody's glass exploded, soaking the tablecloths with various colors. Percy smirked, "Oops."

Various boasts, threats, and declarations of who was best joined the appetizers, desserts, and dinners that were flying across the room.

"Without us you wouldn't have any ammunition at all!" The Demeter kids yelled.

The Apollo table snorted, "But you're terrible shots!"

"Pie catapult!"

"Stop ignoring me, you stupid table!"

"Who threw the banana?!"

 _WOOF!_

The sound made everyone freeze.

Percy paled, "Oh no."

Mrs. O'Leary's eyes got all huge as she took in the feast before her.

"G-Good dog." Percy realized that he was covered in food and probably looked like a giant dog treat. Everyone seemed to notice what kind of danger they were in.

Mrs. O'Leary grinned her dog grin, _Woof!_

And dug in.

"Dog tongue!" Demigods tried to escape the wet slimy pink tongue, but sadly nobody left without a hearty _lick_.

Percy tried wiping off some of the dog spit, a huge glob dripping off his arm, "I guess we know who won _that_ food fight."


End file.
